The thing about a crush is it is hard to control it. It comes when you least expect it and it hits you like a freight train. It hits you hard. It crushes you in the end. And you think that as you get older, you get wiser and are better prepared for these sort of childish things. But you never really stop being a child, do you ? There's always a part of us which remains a child, that part of our memories and life which we sought to protect and hide.

I met someone last week. Rather unexpectedly. He wasn't my type but he grew on me. After a few enjoyable encounters, we agreed to take it slow and let it develop naturally. In fact, I suggested it. But as unpredictable as crushes can be, I wanted more. It becomes all consuming and it hurts. With so much free time on my hand, and not enough time in his hand, this becomes so much more complicated. The yearning that I have is no longer reciprocated. He says that he doesn't have the time to miss me --- which is possible given his huge workload. This tells me that I should abandon this crush immediately. I am afraid that if I don't put this flame out immediately, my feelings for him will grow stronger while he stays in the same comfortable place. And in the end, I might just get burned. Or it might just blows up on both of us.

It hurts now but the sooner I nip this in the bud, the faster I heal. Right ? I mean, what on earth possessed me to even venture on this "relationship" in the first place ! I don't blame him though... we are both consenting adults. We make our own choices. He isn't ready to give more, and I have so much (and want) to give. Perhaps if our circumstances were different, things could work out.

Life is full of choices.... difficult ones too. Should I meet him and tell him my feelings and allow him the opportunity to rebut ? Or should I play the villain and make the decision to end it ? The hardest choice you make is taking your own advice.